People often say that we have a similar face. She has a scar on her chin and exaggerates her eye makeup. Excemakeup, I agree that she looks like me. But our minds are different.
I want to express myself. I don’t like to act like someone who never talks about her worries but seems to be strange on some days. But I can’t help it when nobody wants to hear me.
I try it once again. I’m looking at her. She’s looking at me. We’re face-to-face. I want to tell her what happened previous year and why I have been changed.
– “Well, it’s really hard to find a job nowadays, you may have heard that”, I say
– “What kind of job are you looking for?”
I know what she’s going to say. I take a deep breath, look at her again, and continue.
– “It doesn’t matter. Even it’s a job that sucks. I just want a job. Even when it’s a simple job in a Mc Donalds restaurant.”
– “Why would someone want to work there? You already finished a high degree. You don’t know how many people want to finish a degree you have finished. You are so crazy. O… M… G…”
– “You speak so many languages, you taught yourself so many skills, you are a really talented person. Why would someone like you want to work in a restaurant?”
– “Eliza… stop!”
– “You’re running a blog and you know so many people. Can’t they just offer you a job? And you know what you can also do? You can work as…”
She continues and doesn’t hear me. It is going like this everytime. I’m sick of her behavior. Even though she looks like me, she isn’t me. She doesn’t know who I am and what I’m going through.
Each time we’re talking, it feels like there’s a one-way mirror between us. I can see her. I can hear her. But the only thing she sees is the reflection of her thoughts about who she thinks I am.
But that’s not who I am.
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